Why You Should Replace Your Best Friend This Year

Because you ain't never had a friend like me

I have the best best friend. Her name is Amber, and she’s the gold standard of what a no-BS, ride-or-die bestie should be.

We met at an all-girls boarding school at the tender age of fourteen and have clocked over twenty-five years of friendship and countless memories together. She even officiated my wedding.

Amber believes in me without hesitation. She builds me up when I doubt myself and holds space for my feelings without judgment. She reminds me who I am when I forget.

And yet… I replaced her. Hear me out.

Most of the time, Amber is just a phone call away. But about thirty percent of the time, she’s living her very full life. Commanding the stage as a TEDx speaker. Running her social marketing agency. Mothering my three adorable nieces and nephew. Beaching it up in Charleston, South Carolina.

And when she doesn’t answer my calls, I noticed something confronting.

The wind leaves my sails. My energy dips. My confidence wobbles. I feel… kind of blue.

One day, after getting her voicemail, I had what I now call a true-self moment. A very clear voice dropped in out of nowhere:

You need to start being your own best friend.

Well, shit.

Because if I didn’t depend on someone else being available in my moment of need, it meant I’d have to be there… for myself. 😱

Enter: my becoming-my-own-best-friend era. Highly recommend.

Did it come naturally? Of course not. Amber still does a better job than me some days. But the more I practiced supporting myself the way a best friend would, the quieter my inner critic became and the louder my self-trust, grace, and compassion grew.

Here’s a real-life example. I had a baby a year ago and I’m rebuilding strength in the bod. I committed to two strength training workouts a week. And I work out at home, which is very convenient… until I really don’t want to work out.

When I skip a session, my old pattern is to get mean. “You lazy lump.” “Just walk fifteen steps and get it over with, dammit.” “What’s wrong with you?”

This commentary has literally never helped me cross the threshold from my house to my garage gym.

If I called Amber, she’d talk to me very differently. She’d say something like, “Okay, why are you skipping your workout? And how can you still get that second strength training in this week?” Calm. Curious. Supportive. Proactive.

Now? I do that for myself. And it works.

The best part is I can apply this to any issue I’m having, which is incredibly useful because, as it turns out, I’m always with myself!

WORDS MATTER

Around the same time I started this work, I came across this line: “By your words you are justified, and by your words you are condemned.”

At first, I thought it sounded a little dramatic. I mean words are just words, right?

But actually, we have a silent listener with us at all times: the subconscious mind. Every word we think and say is being recorded and acted upon.

Words are energy. Thoughts are strings of energetic words. Which means the way we speak to ourselves isn’t harmless. It’s instructional.

For years, I talked shit about myself. Sometimes out loud, sometimes silently. I told myself I wasn’t creative, wasn’t funny, wasn’t good enough. I also had a weird habit of making self-deprecating comments because I thought it made me more charming and approachable.

Bullshit.

Amber would never let me talk about myself negatively. She’d shut it down STAT!

This is why I’m such a proponent of becoming your own best friend. It’s time to stop working against yourself and start showing up for yourself with the same love, honesty, and encouragement you so easily offer the people you care about.

I know it’s cliché, but our relationship with ourselves really is the most important one we’ll ever have. It’s why I’m committed to helping my clients replace their inner critic with their biggest advocate. To stop being tough on themselves and start being tough for themselves.

This doesn’t mean quitting on your goals. Quite the opposite. It means showing up in a way that actually makes you want to keep going. It’s you for you. And while it’s awkward at first, eventually it becomes deeply nourishing and powerful.

So I’ll leave you with this:

Next time you’re being a jerk to yourself, how can you channel your best friend’s voice for now, until one day it becomes your own?

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If this resonates, The Success Den is my intimate coaching program for women seeking more peace, clarity, and inner authority.

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